Let’s be honest, most 1-1s start with good intentions but slowly fade into status updates or worse, get canceled when things feel “too busy.” And yet, when done right, 1-1s are one of the most powerful, under-leveraged tools in a leader’s toolkit.
They’re not just for checking the box. Great 1-1s build trust, unlock growth, surface tension before it becomes drama, and help you and your team stay connected, aligned, and most importantly learning and growing. So if you want to get better at running them, or feel like you’ve drifted into “meh” territory, here’s a refreshed way to think about them.
Start With the Right Intent
First, these aren’t check-ins, feedback sessions, or status updates. This isn’t about tracking task completion. Rather a healthy 1-1 construct is focused on:
- The person: Who they are, how they’re doing, what they need
- The relationship: Building trust, safety, context
- Removing blockers: Helping them make progress where they’re stuck
Reminding your team why you have these meetings helps reframe expectations—especially if they’ve only ever known 1-1s as tactical or performance reviews.
Consistency Matters More Than Perfection
The cadence should match the work identified in between. A standard cadence isn’t a bad idea but should ultimately match the ability of the participants to show up meaningfully. These meetings don’t have to be long, 30 to 45 minutes could be plenty, but they do need to happen consistently. Canceling repeatedly sends a loud message, even if unintentionally: “This time isn’t valuable.”
Sometimes the most powerful 1-1 happens when nothing’s urgent, but you still show up. That builds trust over time.
What Makes a Great Conversation
There’s no one-size-fits-all script, but a loose rhythm helps. Think of it like this:
- Start with a personal check-in — not small talk, but real talk. “How are you doing… really?”
- Celebrate wins, people rarely stop to acknowledge them
- Explore what’s challenging. Where are they stuck, stressed, or unsure?
- Look ahead — help them connect to their growth or what’s coming
You’re not a therapist. You’re not a task manager. You’re a leader offering space, clarity, and support. And when you do that well, your team starts solving their own problems with more confidence.
Ask Better Questions
This is where the magic happens. The quality of your questions determines the depth of the conversation. Try asking things like:
- “What’s something you’ve learned recently that excited you?”
- “Is there anything you’re holding back from saying?”
- “What’s been weighing on you the most?”
- “Where do you feel like you’re on autopilot?”
- “What would you change if you were in my seat?”
And then—be quiet. Listen. Get curious. That’s where trust lives.
Track Progress (Without Killing the Vibe)
If you’re having recurring 1-1s, it helps to track themes and commitments. A simple shared doc, Notion page, or note-taking tool does the job. Don’t over-systematize it. You’re not creating a report card. You’re noticing patterns, progress, and where people are spinning their wheels.
Keep a light pulse on action items, but don’t let the meeting become about the list. It’s a tool, not the focus.
Coaching Over Controlling
Great 1-1s shift from giving answers to guiding insight. That means:
- Resisting the urge to jump into solution mode too fast
- Asking them what they think before offering your take
- Helping them connect dots, not drawing the picture for them
That’s how you grow confident, strategic team members, not just compliant ones.
End With Clarity
Before you wrap, make sure you’re aligned on what matters most from the conversation:
- What was the key takeaway?
- What will they do next?
- What do they need from you (if anything)?
And then make sure the next meeting is already on the books.
What to Watch For
If your 1-1s start to feel like this, it’s time to recalibrate:
- They’re all status and no substance
- They keep getting bumped or canceled
- There’s no follow-through from either side
- They feel flat, one-sided, or “could have been an email.”
The good news? It doesn’t take much to get back on track. Just show up, stay curious, and lead with intention.
Final Thought
You don’t need to be perfect at 1-1s. You just need to be present, consistent, and open. When your team sees that you care about them as people, not just performers, they bring more of their best selves to the work.
And that’s when the real growth begins.
Here is an deeper dive into an amazing guide I always fofund helpful when it came to 1-1s.
Download: How to Have 1-1 Meetings that Matter
source: O’Reilly.com e-book by Esther Schindler “The Secrets Behind Great One-on-One Meetings”
